02 Jun How I found my medicine in this sick world
The doctor asked me, so tell me, are you ill? Me; of course I am ill, literally sick and tired of a world with LIES, lots of noise and pollution, people being destructive, going against nature, greedy, ignorant, controlling… How can we not be sick about this? I remember this saying of a wise man Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
So here is a little story of how I finally could accept my high sensitivity and feeling depressed and depleted for many years and finding my medicine.
I didn’t have a job in the regular job market for almost 15 years, because why would I consent to the lie of working my ass off everyday for nonsensical goals.
They call beings like me, high sensitive, as if it isn’t normal, but in fact high sensitivity is a sign of intelligence, of presence and consciousness. Of seeing things beyond what most can not see in this world.
Yes I am not ashamed my fabric is made very delicate and yet also strong. It just took me a while to realize that being delicate doesn’t mean weak, the fabric is actually very high quality and very strong. You just have to treat it in a certain way, a special procedure to keep it that way. But most of us have no clue. It is the same when we look in nature, you have to know how to treat it, and every living form has a different procedure to be taken care of. Oh but they say you have to toughen up in this world, oh yes that’s right just pretend you are made out of something else and just do like the rest, and of course that’s why nature is getting destroyed right!?
Yeah I get it, in the “normal” world of lies, they see me as a person that doesn’t have enough spine, no tolerance, not capable of handling stress etc… but wait a minute, everything is reversed in this world. I shouldn’t be the one that should tolerate this way of living!!! Unless I want to destroy myself, and deny the divine nature we are made of.
I mean who is really sick? This whole fucking world is sick, not because of covid 19 but because we buy into all the lies the so called “authorities” are presenting to us…
It’s been obvious to me since I was born and now these last 2 years it’s been right in our face, it can’t get more obvious than this and still the majority of people are completely blind and worse they don’t even want to see.
And now I am the one being sick, a conspiracy theorist, an extremist or whatever else…
Okay fine, that’s how I am seen by the majority of society. I couldn’t care less of how others perceive me. It took me of course a while to get to this point also. Because we all want a sense of belonging in this world. Going against the mainstream can give you the feeling of aloneness many times. The most important is that when I started to see myself in this mess, I could recognize my particular fabric, my blueprint, my particular soul signature. And so this was the moment in my life, I couldn’t deny any longer that I was not made to work a normal job from 9-5 in an office, in whatever closed buildings, I already get claustrophobic thinking about it… I need to be outside, breathe fresh air, there is already so little oxygen in many places.
Going against the mainstream, means you choose to go with nature, you choose 100% for learning about nature’s essence and your own particular soul essence…
To stand strong in that, takes a lot of courage… because so many people think that they know better for you, they say; oh Dewi, it can’t be that bad, you’re probably exaggerating, you have to just develop some more masculine energy, some more spine, perhaps you don’t dedicate yourself enough and that’s why you feel this way, you look very healthy to me, are you really that tired, you are perhaps just living in an illusion, probably you have some childhood trauma’s etc…?
Even the people sometimes very close to you, still do not seem to really see you… because they look from their own glasses.
Bottom line, only You Know what is good for You!!! You have to at least find out, dedicate yourself to know your fabric, your soul song!
That doesn’t mean I never listen to other people’s advice, but actually most of the time the advice being shared is not relevant to me. Perhaps for them it is, because they talk from their own life experience. Also my advice is not applicable for everyone. Maybe some feel a resonance and others don’t.
Until now my daughter is the one of the few people that can feel me for the most part. I’m so blessed to have such a wise daughter. She has seen me being very miserable, to the point I couldn’t take care of her anymore, I was living in the city in Belgium and of course my fabric was not taking care of properly, because at that time I didn’t know how yet.
I still thought I needed to do a normal job and get back in society, do what everybody else does…. she saw a mother that was depleted. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, burn out and depression.
Until I started to ask myself some serious questions, and dived into the knowledge of Dzogchen and Non duality teachings, I started to read many books and videos to educate myself. This was by the way after already doing yoga and meditation for a number of years. Actually this process activated the sensitive antennas 😉
So you are warned if you start to walk this path. I got more conscious about my body and soul, and thus they needed different care.
I started now to listen more and more, trust my guidance more and take action towards it. That’s where I radically decided to leave the city and live in the South of Europe close to nature and water. And I could see and my daughter too, how this changed everything! This was/is my medicine! The care that I need…
I still needed to build more trust because of course society is pulling on you to come back in, other friends, family that are saying you are a bad mother, you should stay with your daughter etc. I was getting tested big time. How much could I trust myself, it was still the beginning. So at that time it was so helpful to have people actually reflect to me that it was a good decision.
And especially my daughter, she said no mama, please don’t come back here. You need to be in nature. She was happy to see me happy again…
Still I needed to refine my skills of taking care of myself and trust myself more, I still feel very tired from time to time, but it got better, the more I started to really listen, get rid of my doubts, any future thoughts and the interpretations of life itself. But the best, the best of all has been seeing my soul reflected in an environment, as if I was looking in the mirror. I found my home, my medicine, my soul song, all of it aligned… I could never go back to anything else, it would be a deceit to myself and I would fall sick very easily. My body will always let me know, it’s my ally, my signpost on my path.
Long story short; don’t get yourself accustomed to a world so sick, honor your fabric, know what you are made of, find your own way, your own soul song, go with nature, not against it…
You are being called back Home. Are you Listening?
Love from the Jewel Heart, Ratna Dewi
All pictures in this post taken by me, Ratna Dewi
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